I Wanna Feel What Love Is
by christibabe
Summary: This is a song-fic that tells Ranger's story from the beginning.  It's strictly from his POV.   The rating is for adult content.


Disclaimer: The characters belong to J.E.

This is a song I heard while driving and I suddenly had an idea for a song-fic. This is strictly from Ranger's POV. The song is I Want To Know What Love Is by Foreigner.

Ranger's POV:

I was 15 when my parents sent me to live with my grandmother in Miami. Till then I'd been living with them in Newark, New Jersey. The first ten years of my life I'd been battling just to stay alive. I'd been born with a rare condition and the doctors hadn't expected me to survive the first year of life let alone nine more years. By some fluke, a doctor from Switzerland had been visiting the hospital in Princeton where I was an out patient. He took a look at my case and determined a simple operation would cure the condition. My parents had signed on the dotted line, scrambling for any hope to hold onto. I'd come through the surgery and two years later was pronounced totally cured.

Funny thing though, living your life for ten years knowing at any time you could die has an affect on a child. When the doctor told me I was completely cured, I couldn't believe him. So knowing I had no future I started hanging out with a neighborhood gang. We stole cars, broke into stores and took pretty much what we wanted. Over the next three years I was well on my way to making sure I truly had no future. Then I was picked up for joy riding in a cop car. My parents hired a lawyer and I sat and sullenly listened as the lawyer trotted out the history of my illness and how that affected my views on the future. When he finished, the judge looked at me and said I had been given a rare gift of a second chance at life and how I shouldn't throw God's gift to me away like I was doing. The judge went on to tell me that if he saw me in his court again, the consequences would be rather harsh. He told me I needed to get my act together.

I walked out of the courthouse with my parents and my father took me right to the airport and we boarded a plane for Miami. When we landed he took me to my grandma Rosa's house. I tried not to let her get close to me, but she had a way about her and layer by layer she carved out a space in my heart. I changed slowly, not even realizing it at the time. I started cracking down in school and I made the straight A honor roll. I got scholarships to the university and for two years I worked at getting my degree. Not many people got a four year degree in half the time, but I'd managed it. Then I took a long, hard look at my life and where I wanted it to go. I signed up for a stint in the army and the night before I shipped out, I met a nice girl and we spent a few hours together. When I realized the condom had broke, I gave her my information in case she needed to contact me.

_I gotta take a little time__  
><em>_A little time to think things over__  
><em>_I better read between the lines__  
><em>_In case I need it when I'm older_

Rachel did end up getting pregnant. She called and I told her I'd marry her. She agreed. So the next time I was home I married her in a small civil ceremony. We stayed married till Julie was born and then filed for divorce. I went back to my unit and concentrated on my career. I went through Ranger's training and then been offered a rare chance to cross over and take Seal training as well. I went through every specialized training the services offered. I was sent on missions where I seemed to excel. I'd met Tank and Bobby through one of those missions, and then low and behold my cousin Lester Santos showed up as well. The four of us became an elite group. They would send us when no one thought there was a chance of success and we became the go to group.

_Now this mountain I must climb__  
><em>_Feels like a world upon my shoulders__  
><em>_And through the clouds I see love shine__  
><em>_It keeps me warm as life grows colder_

After eight years in the service, I'd decided not to re-enlist. I wanted the chance to do other things as well so we opted out. Each of us signed on for "special missions" though. By this time, I'd seen so much pain, lost friends in ways no one should die. I hardened my heart. No one slipped inside.

_In my life there's been heartache and pain__  
><em>_I don't know if I can face it again__  
><em>_Can't stop now, I've traveled so far__  
><em>_To change this lonely life._

We started in Boston. I set up a security business known as Rangeman. It took us three months to get everything set up and then we were off and running. Tank was my right hand man, and Bobby and Lester were part of my core team. We hired a group of men and trained them. When I was confident I had trained my replacement as head of Rangeman Boston, I started looking for a new property. I found the perfect spot in Atlanta. The four of us then moved to Atlanta.

_I wanna know what love is__  
><em>_I want you to show me__  
><em>_I wanna feel what love is__  
><em>_I know you can show me_

_Aaaah woah-oh-ooh_

Once Atlanta was up and running I made the trip to Miami and we started everything all over again. We worked hard and at times would pick up a piece of ass and party just as hard. I always made sure the female in question had no illusions that our one night was going anywhere. I made sure I was fully protected as well. No chance of a baby and no chance of a disease. I knew the guys did the same.

_I'm gonna take a little time__  
><em>_A little time to look around me,__  
><em>_oooh ooh-ooh ooh-ooh oooh_

The guys knew I was getting restless and would start looking around for a new site for the security company. Lester suggested making a visit to my folks before checking out any new sites. I reluctantly agreed. It had been fifteen years since I'd last seen my folks, three older sisters and my older brother. I made the arrangements and took the next flight out of Miami headed for Newark, New Jersey.

_I've got nowhere left to hide__  
><em>_It looks like love has finally found me_

When my mother opened the door and saw me standing on her doorstep, she broke down in tears and threw her arms around me clinging to me. I had my blank face firmly in place and no emotion showed. I spent nearly a week visiting with them, and although my mother made no bones about the fact she was thrilled to see me, I sensed an underlying sadness about her.

_In my life there's been heartache and pain__  
><em>_I don't know if I can face it again__  
><em>_I can't stop now, I've traveled so far__  
><em>_To change this lonely life_

I finally said goodbye to them and said I'd be back when I could. I got in my rented BMW and headed out. I had no destination in mind. When I was looking for a new site for the business, I'd just get in the car and drive. It didn't matter how long it took, I was in no hurry and had nothing pressing to get to. I stopped for gas in Trenton, New Jersey and had a look around. I'd been in the car for some time and felt the need to stretch my muscles. I bought a paper and paid for my gas. I tossed the paper in the car before heading for a short walk. I found a small restaurant that had some pretty good smells drifting out and headed back to retrieve my car and get something to eat. I parked the car in front of the cafe I'd found and took my paper inside. While I waited for my lunch I checked out what the paper had to offer. I noticed an ad in the help wanted. There was the need of a Bounty Hunter at Vincent Plum Bail Bonds. I debated and decided I was in no hurry to go anywhere so I might as well try my hand at the job and see what I thought of the area. Although I doubted I'd make Trenton the next spot for a Rangeman, it never hurt to investigate offering other services.

_I wanna know what love is__  
><em>_I want you to show me__  
><em>_I wanna feel what love is__  
><em>_I know you can show me_

I was less than impressed with Vinnie Plum. The man looked like a weasel. I accepted the job though and told him I was only interested in high bond skips. I'd worked for him for a few months when I got a call from Connie Rizzoli his secretary. Seemed they had a new skip tracer and Connie was wondering if I'd give the new girl some tips. I grimaced. Reluctantly I agreed and told Connie to have her friend meet me and gave her the address. I got there before the scheduled meeting and sat so I faced the doors and windows. When a young girl stopped in front of me and asked if I was Mr. Manoso, I was surprised. She was just a slip of a girl and looked nothing like I'd pictured. She stood 5'7" in height with a slender build. Her curly brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She looked like the girl next door. Pretty, but no raving beauty. My tastes ran to leggy, exotic beauties. She sat down and asked me to help her. When she told me Vinnie gave her Morelli I couldn't help but laugh. She pointed to the POS car out the window and said that was her car and then went on to say her shoes were too tight and she needed rent and grocery money so was I going to help her or what. I felt a little catch in my chest but ignored it. I agreed to help her and took her to buy a gun and gave her some basics as far as info. When she asked me what she should call me I told her to call me by my street name, Ranger.

_I wanna know what love is__  
><em>_I want you to show me__  
><em>_And I wanna feel,__  
><em>_I want to feel what love is_

When she called me in the middle of the night and told me she was handcuffed to her shower I hung up on her. I didn't want her thinking I was interested in her in a physical way and I was already in bed with a piece of ass I'd picked up earlier in the night. I'd just had a half hour of sleep and was debating whether to wake the beauty and go another round or just get up and leave. Stephanie called me back and told me not to hang up. That she was handcuffed naked to her shower curtain and she needed my help. I dressed and made my way to her apartment. It didn't take long to pick the locks on her door. When I entered the bathroom I had to work at keeping myself under control. Because like it or not, my type or not, I was definitely hard and she was the reason. One look at her delectable body in the nude had me standing up and paying attention. Suddenly I wanted her more than I'd ever wanted any woman in my life.

_And I know, I know you can show me__  
><em>_Let's talk about love_

I tried to slam the wall down and block out all emotions.

_(I wanna know what love is)__  
><em>_the love that you feel inside_

When I saw her smiling ear to ear during the time she was looking for Nowicki I knew Morelli had nailed her and I thought I was saved. They were together and I was in the clear now.

_(I want you to show me)__  
><em>_I'm feeling so much love_

Stephanie actually kinda got engaged to Morelli. I never poached. It was a code I lived by. I'd share anything else I had, but I didn't share women.

(I wanna feel what love is)  
>no, you just cannot hide<p>

Then I found myself telling her if she wanted my help with DeCooch it would cost her. She asked what the price was and I told her she'd spend a whole night with me doing what I wanted. She'd told me she was kinda engaged but I just smiled. I wanted her. I figured if I had her I could get her out of my system and move on. It was time to get serious about the location of the next Rangeman.

_(I know you can show me)__  
><em>_yeah, woah-oh-ooh_

She agreed to my terms and for a moment I had the feeling like I was headed for trouble.

_I wanna know what love is,__  
><em>_let's talk about love_

In the end she called me because DeCooch didn't want to be taken in by a girl. It wasn't good for his image. Rather than making him look bad, she called me.

_(I want you to show me)__  
><em>_I wanna feel it too_

She'd broken things off with Morelli and gotten involved with a case that put her in Eddie Abruzzi's sights. A dead body had been left on her couch and I went to her apartment only to see the couch in the hall. I went in and we talked for a bit before I took her in the bedroom and told her we were going to do this, it was pay up time. I told her I'd ruin her for all other men.

_(I wanna feel what love is)__  
><em>_I wanna feel it too_

I made love to her all night long, surprising myself when I was still there when my alarm went off. Normally I'm long gone before then. I don't like sleeping with the women I take to bed. It makes them too clingy.

_And I know, and I know,__  
><em>_I know you can show me_

The next time I saw her, I told her to fix her relationship with the cop. She'd come too close the night before and I was feeling cracks in the hardened walls of my chest. I couldn't let her in and had to do damage control. I thought I could exercise her from my system but all I'd done was fine tune my body to her touch. I wanted her more than ever. Looks like she'd been the on to ruin me for all other women. I didn't even like the thought of touching another woman.

_Show me what is real,__  
><em>_woah (woah), yeah I know_

I bought a lot and brought the guys to Trenton. I knew I was in trouble when I couldn't make myself leave Trenton.

_(I wanna know what love is)__  
><em>_hey I wanna know what love_

Although I continued to do missions for the government, I had decided when my contract was done I was getting out for good. During one of the times I had to be away from Trenton, Tank called me and told me Stephanie had started staying in my apartment. My first thought was to come back because I knew she needed me. I told Tank to let her stay but to watch her and keep her safe. It's a good thing Sally Sweet took care of the Slayers because they wouldn't have liked what I would have done to them. Then when she went missing at Stiva's...I felt like my heart had stopped beating. I din't care what it took, I was going to find her. If that took waking a little old lady up and taking her by gunpoint to her office so she could get me the information I needed, so be it.

_(I want you to show me),__  
><em>_I wanna know, I wanna know, want know_

Then Skrog kidnapped Julie and eventually got Stephanie too. I didn't care if he took me out, I just wanted to make sure Babe and Julie were okay. So I walked into her apartment and took the bullet. When I actually pulled through I was biding my time till she called it quits with the cop for good. As hard as I tried, she'd carved out a space for herself in my heart and I didn't care. She was there and I was glad. The only problem was now Morelli was acting like a love struck fool and I was just hoping she didn't end up agreeing to marry him before I had a chance.

_(I wanna feel what love is),__  
><em>_hey I wanna feel, love_

_I know you can show me, yeah_

I tripped the locks and opened the door to find her sitting in one corner of the sofa with her legs drawn up and her arms wrapped around her legs. I stood looking down at her and she looked up to meet my gaze. There were tears streaming down her cheeks and I knelt on the floor beside her, reaching out a finger to wipe away her tears.

"What's the matter Babe?"

"Joe asked me to marry him."

"What did you tell him?"

"I asked for time to think about it."

"Are you going to do it?"

She closed her eyes before opening them and looking directly at me, "Would you let me do that? I have to know...is there any chance for us? Or are you just going to watch me ruin my life and marry him?"

"Why would marrying him ruin your life?"

"Because as much as I love him, I'm not _in_ love with him. I'm in love with you. But you don't do relationships and you just love me in your own way."

I shook my head, "Babe, I never thought I was going to live. I was born with a rare condition and the doctors were always cautioning me that I was living on borrowed time. I guess I never got used to the fact I was cured. I love you in every way it's possible for one person to love another. You are my world. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. Whether we marry or not is up to you. As long as I have you beside me I'll be a happy man. I wanna know what love is. I want you to show me. Because only you Babe. There is no other for me and there never will be."

She threw her arms around me and I felt the salt from her tears as she showered my face with her kisses.

They lived Happily Ever After!

THE END


End file.
